A Pirate’s Tall Tale – Outer Banks

(Truth be told: Though I did play through Professor Hacker’s Lost Treasure mini golf and Mutiny Bay, I didn’t play with the fame pirate Blackbeard or Professor Hacker)

Ahoy, me maties! Gather around the fireplace and hold onto your mugs of rum.

Lead-foot Jones: RUM! This be ice tea!

Work with me here, Jones. I’m about to tell you of me adventure to the Outer Banks.

I landed me boat, the Forester, on the shores of Kitty Hawk. A lovely town, but filled with dark secrets and filled to the brim with pirates’ souls. Well, it was in Kitty Hawk where I first meet up with two of me favorite spirits: Professor Hacker, who is still after Blackbeard’s old treasure; and Blackbeard, the black hearted pirate himself. We were off for a friendly game of mini-golf at Professor Hacker’s Lost Treasure Putt-Putt course. The Professor having the upper hand, he won the first round. This made Blackbeard’s beard smoke with rag. He challenged us to another game at Mutiny Bay. The Professor threw in a wager – if Blackbeard loses, he mush reveal his hidden treasure to the winning player. After agreeing to the terms, we continued our way through the course.

(Truth be told: I did eat at Pamlico Jack’s, which was a lovely meal, but I never found the location of Blackbeard’s treasure. Too bad, a treasure hunt would have been fun.)

The fates have it that I was the one to win.

Loose Lipped Lisa:  You – you win at mini golf?

Yes, Lisa, I did win – I even scored me a hole in one!
Har Har.  While eating at Pamlico Jack’s, Blackbeard welched on his bet and swore he would take the secret to good old Davey Jones. However, after a few rum bottles passed his lips, he sang of it being hidden near Currituck Lighthouse.

The next day, I sailed north. As the Forester glided across the sound, a storm blew in from the south. I pulled me boat to shore, only a few yards away from Currituck Lighthouse. I could tell something was wrong right away. The light that guides the seafaring souls safely to shore was out. I could hardly see the brick tower through the rain. I charged into the marsh. Suddenly, a flash of lightning revealed a large black swamp serpent – at least twenty feet long, says I. Only its white belly could be seen through the darkness. I would have been devoured by the hideous beast,  if it weren’t for the flash of my cutlass catching its eye.

(Truth be told: Two things. First, it was not a stormy day, but quite sunny. Second, the serpent was in fact a black rat snake, though this was unknown at the time. It’s a harmless snake and the one I saw was only two feet at most.)

The serpent slithered into the marsh grass.

I ran into the lighthouse. The whole of the island was blacked out it was. I marched to the backup generator and gave it a swift kick. It coughed and wheezed before the lights flickered on.

 Two Toed Tommy:  Could ye be telling any a taller tale than that one!
I be ignoring you mate!
Next I had to batten down the hatches (secured the windows). I ran the five-hundred bloody long steps to the top. On my way, I struggled to close the window at each landing, battling the wind and water. After I reached the top, I rode out the storm alongside the beacon.
Once the storm passed, I proceeded through blazing hot sand to the shore Blackbeard afore  mentioned.
(Truth be told: Well, there was no rescue. I was merely a tourist climbing the two hundred and sixteen steps to the top of the lighthouse. To be honest, I was terrified by every step I took on the open spiral staircase.)

All I found was five lousy mermaid purses, not a coin between them. Not only are they worth nothing, they are a bad sign. The bloody devil sent me to cursed shores. The water froze and the tides became silent. I drew me cutlass, prepared for the attack. Three giant crabs – thirty feet in length – crawled out of the sea onto shore and headed straight for me. I charged forward to attack only to have them run past me. Be I that fearsome? I thought.

Mermaid’s Purse: a casing that surrounds the fertilized eggs of some sharks, skates, and chimaeras.

Lead-foot Jones:  Only in the morning, Dearie.


I became confused. They buried themselves into the sand dunes, not even bothering to look my way.

(Truth be told: I did see three crabs bury themselves into the sand, but they were no more than three inches in length.)
Coming up behind me from the sky above was a fire breathing dragon. I thought I was a goner for sure, but the tides had started churning again after the crabs had come ashore and crashed over the dragon. It tossed and tumbled in the currents until the ocean laid it into the shallow waters. I ran to it and touched the wing of the beast. It massive body twitched. Against my better judgment, I grabbed a rope and dragged it to shore to dry. I left it to its fate, not waiting for a thank you or to become its lunch.
(Truth be told: The dragon I saved was not the fire breathing type, but merely a dragon fly that had gotten caught in the waves. I made it a shelter on the beach and left it to dry off. I hope it survived.)

So, to end me tale, I left the beach and headed into town and did what every pirate girl does to relax her nerves.  I went shopping until I had pillaged and plundered me budget.

Loose Lipped Lisa: Now that be the truth!