Ahoy, me maties! Gather around the fireplace and hold onto your mugs of rum.
Lead-foot Jones: RUM! This be ice tea!
Work with me here, Jones. I’m about to tell you of me adventure to the Outer Banks.
I landed me boat, the Forester, on the shores of Kitty Hawk. A lovely town, but filled with dark secrets and filled to the brim with pirates’ souls. Well, it was in Kitty Hawk where I first meet up with two of me favorite spirits: Professor Hacker, who is still after Blackbeard’s old treasure; and Blackbeard, the black hearted pirate himself. We were off for a friendly game of mini-golf at Professor Hacker’s Lost Treasure Putt-Putt course. The Professor having the upper hand, he won the first round. This made Blackbeard’s beard smoke with rag. He challenged us to another game at Mutiny Bay. The Professor threw in a wager – if Blackbeard loses, he mush reveal his hidden treasure to the winning player. After agreeing to the terms, we continued our way through the course.
The fates have it that I was the one to win.
Loose Lipped Lisa: You – you win at mini golf?
The next day, I sailed north. As the Forester glided across the sound, a storm blew in from the south. I pulled me boat to shore, only a few yards away from Currituck Lighthouse. I could tell something was wrong right away. The light that guides the seafaring souls safely to shore was out. I could hardly see the brick tower through the rain. I charged into the marsh. Suddenly, a flash of lightning revealed a large black swamp serpent – at least twenty feet long, says I. Only its white belly could be seen through the darkness. I would have been devoured by the hideous beast, if it weren’t for the flash of my cutlass catching its eye.
The serpent slithered into the marsh grass.
I ran into the lighthouse. The whole of the island was blacked out it was. I marched to the backup generator and gave it a swift kick. It coughed and wheezed before the lights flickered on.
All I found was five lousy mermaid purses, not a coin between them. Not only are they worth nothing, they are a bad sign. The bloody devil sent me to cursed shores. The water froze and the tides became silent. I drew me cutlass, prepared for the attack. Three giant crabs – thirty feet in length – crawled out of the sea onto shore and headed straight for me. I charged forward to attack only to have them run past me. Be I that fearsome? I thought.
Lead-foot Jones: Only in the morning, Dearie.
I became confused. They buried themselves into the sand dunes, not even bothering to look my way.
So, to end me tale, I left the beach and headed into town and did what every pirate girl does to relax her nerves. I went shopping until I had pillaged and plundered me budget.
Loose Lipped Lisa: Now that be the truth!